Are you trying for a girl?

*spoiler alert – NO I’M NOT!

We have 3 boys and we’re done. Like properly officially done. As in we’ve taken permanent steps to prevent further offspring kind of done. Done.

No more babies…

When I looked into getting sterilised one of the first things the GP said to me was “but you’ve got 3 boys, won’t you be wanting to try for a girl?”

Sigh…

I don’t know if it’s just me but how do people not realise yet that you don’t get to choose your baby’s gender?! It’s part of the magic of life. Well not even magic arguably; science has proven it’s the male…er… contribution that decides the gender. So to the old wifey who stopped me in the street and told me I was disappointing my husband by not giving him a daughter – there you have it; not my fault!

Edward rocks a girly hair accessory though…

Social norms…

The whole trying for a girl thing has loomed away in the background ever since we had Edward. Apparently the socially acceptable thing to do is to have a boy first, then a girl. Then stop at 2 because any more are assumed mistakes.

If you are unfortunate enough to have 2 the same (boy boy or girl girl) then obviously you are obligated by social conventions to try again a third time for the opposite gender. If you fail the third time… well then you’re just plain failing. Not to mention disappointing old ladies on the Street left right and centre!

Also any more than 3 is just plain madness – those numbers should stay in the past!

Nope…

To reiterate… no I don’t want to try for a girl. Nor do I feel a need to. I’ve never tried for a gender. We planned and tried to have a baby all 5 times. I genuinely didn’t care what gender it was as long as I got to bring it home!

As for the suggestions that I wish Loki was a girl and that’s why I dress him in pink… well the truth is I dress him in pink because he suits pink! It’s just a colour after all!

Moving forward…

After a slightly bewildered GP knew my mind was made up on the whole “trying for a girl idea” the process began to prevent us having babies for good!

Mark and I talked about it a lot while we were pregnant with Loki and decided we’d look into taking permanent steps after he’d arrived. Slightly more responsible than most of our usual conversations but we felt quite strongly about not getting caught or surprised with a potential 4th or 6th addition to the family!

A coin toss was suggested at one point, vasectomy or sterilisation... just another wild Saturday night in!

Responsible Adults… ish…

We broke it down;

• Our house has 4 bedrooms which means everyone has their own room. Sharing is caring but not something we wanted.
• Our cars can only fit 3 proper car seats. Bigger cars are insanely priced and fold up seats in the boot aren’t a permanent solution – nor are they ideal on country roads. (*eeks green child pass the sick bag!)
• Scottish education is unlikely to be free forever and the idea of funding more than 3 through University is slightly nerve wracking. Trust me, Mark made a spreadsheet – it was terrifying.
• Time – can we really divide ourselves over 4 or more when we still can’t fit in a hot dinner on a Tuesday due to Bike club?
• We’ll be doing homework forever. We want to have fun with the boys and grow up with them. Not spend 2+ hours a night doing masses of reading and homework – that’s fun for no one!
• I’d quite like to stop washing nappies at some point. 8 years in now and I can’t remember not washing them. The pretty fluffy bums will be hard to say goodbye to though…

I’m aware these are all tenuously money related, but isn’t everything? Time hit home for us. You only get 18 summers etc… we want to spend time with our children not tag team them refereeing and “managing” them at the weekends. We want actual time.

Not for everyone…

I know plenty of families with 4, 5 and even a gorgeous family of 7 kids. They all manage, they’re all happy and they all have lovely dynamics. Everyone does what works for them.

This is just for us and for us; 3 is enough… this decision was personal and specific to our family.

To be perfectly honest feeding 3 is a bit of a challenge at the moment, adding more I feel is probably a genuinely bad idea, my poor fridge won’t be able to cope!

Options…

There are lots. You can have injections, pills, implants, snips, ties, literally have parts of you burned with fire and if that’s not dramatic enough you can have things removed! Your GP/Nurse or the < NHS website > can help you here if you’re thinking about preventing a future pregnancy.

No rush…

When the dates arrived we both panicked. It suddenly seemed so severe. So final and permanent but it was what we wanted. I can’t recommend talking it through with your partner/spouse/friends enough though.

I miscarried two babies and almost died before I was able to bring Loki home but when we did I knew my family was complete. I have a trio of toe rags and both my house and my heart are full*

Mark only wanted 1 child and I managed to convince him 3 was a good compromise – not sure how much further I can push it!

We’re done…

*There might still be room for another puppy though…

ssshhhh don’t tell Mark!

xxx