An ode to Avocado; the violent goodbye

This is a proper sob story blog post so if that’s not your thing feel free to skip it.

I have an intolerance to avocados. I am devastated. For the past year I’ve suspected they were the trigger for some of my symptoms but today I was brave and put my theory to the test.

I have instantly regretted this decision.

Image credit: BBC Good Food

I should have just carried on as I was; hopeful. Now it’s over, all hope is gone. There is now only despair and regret.

I write this curled up on the floor in the foetal position begging my insides to stop griping. I write this whilst distracting myself from the urgent need to make myself sick just to end my suffering. I write this with deep sadness that I know I need to avoid avocados forever. I write this feeling betrayed by my own body that it is intolerant to something so pure and naturally good for you.

I’m clearly never destined to be healthy, if my body can’t tolerate 2 slices of avocado then what hope is there?

There’ll be no sleep for me tonight I’ll be up and down the stairs waiting for my body to force this out. I’m slightly concerned that this kind of violent rejection of a super food cannot be a good sign.

I’m overthinking.

I’m not the only one. I’ve just googled and suddenly I feel less alone. My burning abdominal pain seems a little more manageable momentarily.

The pain is back.

It burns. I cry out and the puppies assault me. They’re only trying to help. They don’t know the anguish. They don’t care about avocado or how Instagrammable it is.

I hope this passes quickly. I didn’t eat much. Just 2 little deliciously ripe and soft slices. I can still feel the taste of the succulent flesh lingering in my mouth. It’s only been an hour. I thought that for my last time I would have had longer to savour it. I should have been more prepared.

The boys are at the allotment with Mark and I’m whimpering on the floor hoping the worst of this will pass before they get back. I feel a great shame as I think to myself…

a donut would not have done this to me

Sake.

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