Right now I’m sat writing this instead of doing a dozen other things but I need to write this; mainly because I am excellent at procrastinating and partly because I’m probably not the only one who’s had a rough week. So this is for all you struggling to find a moment to get a different perspective on things and to see the positives instead of dwelling on the nonsense!
A few weeks ago Loki threw a strop and upturned his box of blocks. We ended up colour sorting them and when he stood up he revealed a perfect heart shape left behind. Chaos and belligerence became simple rainbow perfection.
One of my miscarriages resulted in a pretty severe haemorrhage and I almost died. While I recovered I had terrible nightmares and ended up pretty blue. I literally lost a few weeks in a blur of just going through the motions while my strength returned and I processed what had happened to me and what had happened to our family.
My nightmare was simple. I relived the moment I realised I was dying in the hospital over and over. I would scream in fear and try and keep myself awake or sometimes I would give in and let it take me. It didn’t work and I’d eventually pass out in the early hours and be stuck in the moment whether I liked it or not.
One night I wrote everything down and when I read it back it provided me with an entirely different perspective of that night; the moment I was so afraid of wasn’t so terrifying after all because I realised it was the moment I started fighting, the moment I knew I wanted to live. I can’t believe it took me so long to see it but I guess I needed that time to heal.
I started January 2015 with a determination to keep my perspective in check and see the positives in all the wonderful and random little things life brings. It’s been great, I take lots of pictures I write all the hilarious things my boys say down and when I feel like this I look back through them and giggle at random toy’s watching me pee and Oren quietly making rainbows with his smarties…
Loki is my rainbow baby and he is a constant reminder to keep my perspective in check and to be more positive. I’d also like to aim for less procrastinating but that’s not going to happen – I view it as more of a reflection anyway. It works for me!
So…er… yes I cried over milk, I cried because it was off, I cried in sheer exasperation because I’ve had no fridge for over 3 weeks, I cried because I had to pour 6 pints down the drain and then for good measure I cried because I was crying!
This is last week and my new fridge stuck on the stairs; “Pivot!”
It was not a good day, wedged fridge, frustrated delivery men and the most bizarre set of rules I’ve ever encountered – I gave up. I took a pretty picture of my coffee with fresh milk in, ordered a different fridge and cheered myself up! The power of positivity!
Earlier this evening I had my son’s parents evening and whilst they both got amazing reports one teacher was oblivious to the physical abuse my son is receiving by nasty little bullies and the other teacher basically called me an idiot because I dared to question the use of American slang and spelling in my son’s lesson plans. We were stuck there for over an hour and frankly that’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back. I wish I hadn’t bothered going…
I was casually scrolling through my phone before starting this post and found a few photos of the boys all playing nicely with their Plan Toys Construction Tin at the school waiting patiently for their teacher’s to call their names. They didn’t care about bullies, times tables or spelling. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter at all. We talked about it at home and all they were concerned about was whether or not Daddy had finished all the cookies!
I really don’t like to moan and there is literally nothing I can do regarding their teachers so I’ll focus on their glowing reports and that tonight I’ve been inspired to find some fun activities with my boys to do alongside their School Work. I’ve even had some fab ideas that all 3 can get involved in and I can’t wait to share them on here.
*cough* I also placed a cheeky Babipur order… feel much better already!
We all have a bad day, a bad week or a bad run every now and then, but I think sometimes all you need in life is a little perspective and if you’re like me, possibly a rainbow!
I’m sat here watching the embers in the fire glow just enjoying the moment whilst thinking I need to stop procrastinating and get stuff done. I also need to go to bed…new fridge (take 2) comes tomorrow!
Goodnight or good morning… genuinely not sure!